Zuma Office Supply
Faith, God, Life
"An honest accounting of my faith, my disappointments and my hope that good triumps over evil".
   (Watch Heaven Is For Real Interview Below)

If you ask me if I believe in God, if there is an afterlife, I would say yes.  However, that doesn't mean I don't question God or His methods.  I question God daily.  I'm actually quite frustrated with many aspects of God, religion and life overall. 

We are instructed to trust God 100%, never questioning the wrongs we endure.  We are told that God has a master plan and all will be fine.  Once we pass over, I have no doubt things will be wonderful.  But it's not death or the afterlife that concerns me; it's surviving the days on earth.

My childhood was filled with physical violence and sexual abuse. I was the youngest member of a dysfunctional family.  I slept walk at an early age, feared my father (and for good reason) and blocked out most my childhood memories.  To this day I can only recount a dozen or so memories up until the age of 13.

During my high school years, my dysfunctional home life did not lessen.  I went inward, spending my days reading the Bible.  My sister went outward, engaging in alcohol, drugs and sex.  That destructive pattern continued well in to my sister's 40's.  My mother on the other hand lived in denial, turning a blind eye to the abuse in our home.  For my mother, failure to acknowledge the problems, meant she didn't have to face the reality of our home life. Denial made my mother's life easier to bare, but it left my sister and I in a precarious situation.

Over the years, I have read countless spiritual books on God's plan for us.  It seems we are to "experience life for God" while on earth.  I just don't grasp why God would want children to experience sexual abuse, physical abuse, starvation, homelessness, abandonment or any of the thousands of other horrific crimes and circumstances children endure daily.  Surely God in all His wisdom has experienced enough sorrow to understand what life as a mortal involves. 

Since God's power outweighs evil, why not protect those who cannot protect themselves?  Why not answer desperate prayers for help?  What good is it to believe in God, to spread the word of God, if God does not have mercy for His children?  This is why I am questioning God.  That does not mean I do not love God, I just don't understand God or His plans.

Mother Teresa who devoted her life to serving God,  also found herself questioning God.  Where distractors used this knowledge to undermine God's existence, I understood Mother Teresa's crisis of faith.  Mother Teresa never lost her faith; she merely questioned God's methods, as I am doing now.  If I learned anything from Mother Teresa, is that regardless of her spiritual state of mind, she never stopped helping others.  Mother Teresa continued to live her life serving God, doing what she could to lessen others pain, never allowing her own spiritual doubts to interfere with her life's mission.

That's why I strongly believe we need to band together to help one another.  That we have to open our hearts to each other, giving shelter, love and food to those who are without.  That we have to continue to fight aggressors who abuse the weak.  That if we don't stand up for one another, we shall parish and evil shall win. 

Through out my life, angels have appeared to me and loved ones who have passed over have blessed me with signs of afterlife.   The hands across the water has enriched my faith in countless ways, but my life is still layered with difficulties.  Angels are real; God is real; afterlife is real; but the course my life should travel is still unknown to me.  The truth is, whenever I think I've mastered my spiritual path, I hit a brick wall.  Usually head on and with full force. 

If earth is God's version of hell, then I get it.  Because life on earth is very much a hellish existence for many children of God.  I feel sadden, devastated and angered by this knowledge.  This is not what the scripture has taught us. Possibly the scripture has been rewritten by man so many times, that the true meaning of God's word has been lost to man's interpretation.  From the beginning of time, man has had his own agenda, which has not always served God well.

My reason for sharing my doubts about God's plan is not to drive you away from God, but to let you know you are not alone in your struggles.  God is real.  God loves you.  God will someday make all your life's wrongs right.  He will erase the pain, the sorrow and the anger from your heart.  When life's journey becomes difficult, please keep walking towards the light.  Keep God's love in your heart, no matter how angry you may feel.  God gave us the ability to think, to reason, to question so that we can defend ourselves from the negative elements in this world.  As difficult as it may be at times, please do not loose your faith.  As angry as I am about the injustices in this world, my belief in God remains strong.

If you can make a financial donation to help others, please do so.  If you have extra clothing, there are many people in need of warmth.  Look at missing children posters for a familiar face.  If you see a neighbor or stranger being abused, call 911 for help.  If you see a stray animal, take it to the Humane Society.  If you know of an animal being neglected, please call the proper authorities so the animal doesn't suffer.  When given the opportunity to say a kind word, do.  Love is free; please share it generously.  When you give from your heart, the world becomes a better place for all.

                                             Lead with love; listen to your heart; say grace.



       Heaven Is For Real

Listen to the amazing story of Colton, who visited heaven and came back to share his experiences with all of us.