The Old “Father Knows Best” Homes are Increasingly Rare

  • Married couples in which only the husband is employed: 22.4%
  • Married couples in which only the wife is employed: 6.8%
  • Married couples in which both partners are employed: 53.5%

The Seven Year Mark is the Hardest

  • Median duration of first marriages that end in divorce: Males: 7.8 years, Females: 7.9 years.
  • Median duration of second marriages that end in divorce: Males 7.3 years, Females: 6.8 years.
    (All of above from U.S. Census Bureau)

More of Us Are Divorcing

  • 80% of divorces are unilateral (Harvard University Press)
  • Divorce increased almost 40% from 1970 to 1975 (National Center for Health Statistics).
  • The number of currently divorced adults quadrupled from 1970-4.3 mill. To 1994—17.4 mill. (Census Bureau)
  • Percentage of population that is divorced: Almost 10% (up from 8% in 1990, 6% in 1980) (Census Bureau)
  • Adults who are divorced (2000): Males 8.3%, Females: 10.2

 

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                Making Marriage Work After Retirement
                By Marilyn Gardner, Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor

For decades, Mary Louise Floyd dreaded the prospect of retirement, both for herself and her husband. Her parents' 43-year marriage had fallen apart when her father retired, leaving her with negative views about the possibilities for this stage of life.

"My mother was not willing to give over part of her domain and share the empty nest," says Mrs. Floyd of Atlanta. "She resented his presence."

Floyd was determined to avoid similar challenges in her own marriage after she and her husband left their careers, he as a corporate attorney, she as a high school media specialist. Speaking as part of a generation that is beginning to write new scripts for the later years, she says, "We do not intend to do it the way our predecessors did."

As the first baby boomers approach retirement, media reports echo with two recurring themes. One involves the upbeat refrain that this generation will "reinvent" retirement. A second, more somber topic focuses on finances: Will they have enough money in their later years?

But few reports talk about the changing domestic arena – what it will mean for families when a huge generation of dual-career couples must navigate not just one retirement, as those like Floyd's parents typically did, but two. Accompanying that challenge are larger social shifts involving caregiving, housing, and marriage. The combination, sociologists say, will subtly change the landscape of retirement for many families.

Already, two-income couples whose busy schedules may have turned them into the proverbial ships passing in the night when they were employed are finding themselves facing unaccustomed togetherness in their postwork years.

"The question becomes, 'Who is this person I'm married to?' " says Floyd, author of "Retired With Husband: Superwoman's New Challenge." Noting that the average couple engages in 20 minutes of conversation a day, she adds with a laugh, "Now here we are, together 24/7. Marriages have to be reengineered for this new era that the baby-boom generation is moving into."

That reengineering can include everything from renegotiating household chores to forming new friendships. "Sometimes it is the men who have not made as many friends who want to put a leash on their partner," says Maryanne Vandervelde, who heads the Institute for Couples in Retirement in Seattle.

When Ron Manheimer, executive director of the NC Center for Creative Retirement at the University of North Carolina in Asheville, holds seminars on relationships, he typically finds more men than women in the group. Their conversation often turns to male friendships, specifically the lack of them.

"A lot of friendships are connected with work life," Mr. Manheimer says. "Now how are they going to meet men to spend time? They don't have a lot of experience in meeting peers. I wouldn't be surprised if it's one of the issues that drives men to go back to work."

Even women, often considered better at maintaining friendships than men, can find themselves missing connections at work after they leave their jobs. "She's lost her daily collegial contacts with her women colleagues, with whom she had rapport," Floyd says. Communication at home thus becomes increasingly important.


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