Making Marriage Work After Retirement Continued....

Yet if couples have been "avoiders," ignoring issues, challenges can arise, says David Arp, co-author, with his wife, Claudia, of "10 Great Dates for Empty Nesters." "They don't know that bird in the nest with them and are not sure they want to stay another 25 years."

That prospect of ever-longer marriage may be one reason "gray divorces," like that of Floyd's parents, appear to be on the increase. Until 2000, people over 55 had fewer divorces than the general population, Ms. Vandervelde says. "Since 2000, it's considerably higher for those over 55."

Vandervelde acknowledges that divorce can be a "viable option" for some couples. But, she adds, "If you have a 'good-enough' partner, that can be a real help as you go into the later years."

Beyond marital issues, Nancy Dailey, author of "When Baby Boom Women Retire," observes other ways in which baby boomers' retirement will differ significantly from that of their parents. One predominant difference will involve far more caregiving.

"Baby boomers will join their parents in retirement, whereas our parents entered retirement with their parents already passed away," Dr. Dailey says. "The young-old are taking care of the old-old. Many baby boomers also have lots of siblings. If you're not taking care of a parent, you may be caring for a sibling."

Among those with several generations to consider as they plan retirement are Callie and Dave Willendorf of Cary, Ill. When he retires as a sales manager in three years, they will still have a child in college. Both also have a parent and a stepparent. Those family connections played a part in their decision to move to Asheville. "We couldn't move to California," Mrs. Willendorf says. "We knew we had to be within a relative distance of our families."

Many retirees also have grandchildren who need care. "In our parents' generation it was totally OK to say 'I'm done,' " Dailey says. "I don't think that luxury is around anymore. The family system has become much more interdependent because of the economics. To maintain a middle-class lifestyle, you need two incomes. You need an extended family to help with that."

Other retirees have adult children not yet launched from the nest or boomeranging back into it.

All of these responsibilities can have profound effects on how baby boomers spend their time after leaving the workforce. Dailey believes the popular vision of retirement – "I'm going to move to the house on the golf course and do whatever I want and have a life of leisure" – will fade quickly as baby boomers accept the reality of helping with elder care or child care.

"Retirement as we know it is gone for many people," she says. "Men will be involved in this, too. You'll see baby-boom men taking a pretty active role in grandparenting." Because these men will live longer than their fathers, they will make many more contributions to their family relations.


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